About Me

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A woman on the edge, well not really on the edge, just feels that way sometimes. I have been on the edge before so I know I am not there anymore. Thank God I am a mother of two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They are my world, my moon, my stars my everything I thank God everyday for the blessing in my life. A wife to a man, who I don't believe has ever loved me and if he did he certainly doesn’t anymore, However, I am very thankful I no longer love him. So that is me trapped, in a loveless marriage, trying to plan an escape route. Hoping to save the money and to find courage and strength from sharing rather than keeping it to myself.

Sunday, 13 May 2012

My two

My children are incredible and just like most parents I enjoy time spent with them. So it being the weekend and not having to go to work and have time with them is great.

Much of this weekend has been spent telling them off for various bits of behaviour and begging them to be quiet. I have really enjoyed their company, but man they are loud. I have always loved my children; there is no point where even in the height of shouting about something or telling them to shut it, that I don't love them.

When they were babies I was totally in love with them, just counted fingers and toes all the time and cried because I couldn’t believe how beautiful they were (still are too) and that I had produced them. Honestly I gave my husband no credit at all. I was thankful to God and impressed with myself. I know it’s ridiculous and even more so because they both look like dad not like me (I just got the stretch-marks and c-section scars). Oh and that baby smell, oh that baby smell, nothing smells better than your baby (apart form poo time, of course). 

Then I think I stopped being in love with them and I just loved them, but loved them completely, but that awe, that heart stopping breath taking, crying love, had chilled out. 

I have noticed as they get older, Boy 7 and Girl 5, I am experiencing that in love feeling again, they say something, or do something and it takes my breath away. I am in awe of what they can do, the way they think the conversations that they have. They are far more advanced than I was at their age, I really do think they are brilliant. 

I constantly have to remind my girl she is 5 I swear, she thinks she is 21 and the way she talks, they things she says, her use of logic and the ways she moves; she is a little woman, worrying so sometimes, but stunning. I find myself thinking 'when I grow up I want to be just like you'. She is so determined and strong willed, I do I want to be like her, I think maybe I once was.

Then there is my boy, my smart, thinker of a child, who is a sensitive soul always on a quest for answers and solutions. Trying to work out how the world works and his place in it. I often think, don’t change, you will grow to be such a good man, just don’t change, but of course he will.

In short my children are amazing, remarkable, wonderful and incredible; I just thought I would share that with you. 


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