About Me

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A woman on the edge, well not really on the edge, just feels that way sometimes. I have been on the edge before so I know I am not there anymore. Thank God I am a mother of two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They are my world, my moon, my stars my everything I thank God everyday for the blessing in my life. A wife to a man, who I don't believe has ever loved me and if he did he certainly doesn’t anymore, However, I am very thankful I no longer love him. So that is me trapped, in a loveless marriage, trying to plan an escape route. Hoping to save the money and to find courage and strength from sharing rather than keeping it to myself.

Friday, 11 May 2012

I miss cuddles

The thing about being married is surely you shouldn't have to miss and crave attention, should you?

How the hell did things go so wrong?
I wish I knew, truth is it no longer matters, I no longer have a desire to fix this mess that has become my marriage.   

So given that, why do I still long for a cuddle? I want affection!
Thank God for the kids, or I would just be longing for human touch. This makes me so sad.

I hate the fact we still share a bed. Contradiction I know. Damn this stupid 3 bedroom house. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. My children share a room, my stepson, now 19 in another room, much like his father refusing to move out!

I guess if either of us get desperate we could use each other, for affection. I don't think either of us want that, I surely don't, I hate when he touches me hate it. I am so grateful we are in bed so rarely together, he works nights, so we only have weekends together, and he comes to bed long after I have fallen asleep.

But I do want a cuddle, a hug while watching the TV, someone to stroke my back, some adult conversation from an adult who is interested in me, wants to talk t me.

How long can this go on for?

Sanity don't leave me now!

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