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A woman on the edge, well not really on the edge, just feels that way sometimes. I have been on the edge before so I know I am not there anymore. Thank God I am a mother of two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They are my world, my moon, my stars my everything I thank God everyday for the blessing in my life. A wife to a man, who I don't believe has ever loved me and if he did he certainly doesn’t anymore, However, I am very thankful I no longer love him. So that is me trapped, in a loveless marriage, trying to plan an escape route. Hoping to save the money and to find courage and strength from sharing rather than keeping it to myself.

Friday, 7 September 2012

My news

So the biggest news this summer was discovering he was cheating. This was hardly a surprise. I suspected it many times but he has always tried to convince me it was in my head, my imagination, my being paranoid. A few times he had me convinced too, but most of the time my gut always knew. I am never believe a woman doesn't know, you can just feel it, I don't think men are that good at lying they cannot have 2 women on the go and something not tell somewhere.

So I confronted him, needless to say it was all my fault (yes there is a pattern here, everything tends to be my fault). However I exploded, I didn't cry, I didn't behave like the hurt woman does, I acted like the angry I don't cry woman. I had the women's number written down and I was waving it around. He grappled me no without fear, I looked at him and said "you better make it good and leave a bruise". I've never seen such shock and the realisation must have hit him, that I cared but for all the wrong reasons, I cared about the lie, I cared because he hadn't left me and gone to her. I was, I still am really angry about it, you've gone and got yourself another woman so why the hell are you still here making my life a mystery??? I mean what is that about?

The only problem with my explosion was that the children were home. So they have heard mummy at her worse They have heard me tell him to leave, they have heard me confront him about his girl friend. So now, I have a 6 year old girl who thinks her mummy is a witch as as she put it "running her daddy out the house", she has told me, well they both have told me they don't want him to go. My 7 year old son, seems to have some understanding of what he heard, he gets daddy's don't have girl friends. Both of my children are watching their parents like hawks, every time dad goes to the toilet I get has daddy gone. So yes I am now a failed wife and a bad mum, flaming fabulous.

He has agreed to leave, but I have no timeline, I think maybe he gets it this time but I just want him gone.

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